Why I Write Fiction

Over the last five years, I have attended three different schools and gone through seven different majors.  I often ask myself whether I just can’t make up my mind because I’m indifferent and don’t care what I do, or because I want to do everything ever.  I’ve come to the conclusion that it is the latter, but still, I know I can’t do everything.  This doesn’t really have much to do with why I write, it’s just a part of who I am.

I write because I can, because I’m somewhat good at it, because I like to create and imagine, because I want to communicate something—a joke, a picture, an emotion—to anyone and everyone, because there comes a day in everyone’s life when they realize they’ll never play major league baseball, because I want to, because I can make myself laugh and I hope I can make someone else laugh, too, because it’s quiet and when I’m alone at night in my basement, just me at my desk with my trusty laptop and a single lamp with an idea for a story swimming around in my head, the only thing that gets me to bed at 4:30 in the morning, having written down 20 pages of what I hope isn’t crap is my inability to keep my eyes open any longer, because I have a story to tell, because I have a hundred stories to tell, because if I don’t write them down, someone else will, because if I don’t write them down, no one else will, because I live in the middle of nowhere, because the world is round it turns me on, because I’m easily bored, because, while I aspire to be rich and famous one day, I’m a masochist, because words are great, because grammar is my friend, because I love correcting papers, because one day someone will say, “Aaron, I want to make a movie out of that story you wrote about the blind blasphemer and his  deaf nun lover who run away together to open a kebab stand in upper Michigan and/or the coast of the Bolivia,” and I’ll say “Bolivia?” and they’ll say, “We’re thinking of moving it to the coast of Bolivia,” and I’ll say “Bolivia is land-locked,” and then they won’t want to make the movie anymore, because I can go this long without using a period, because there are times in your life like right before you graduate from college when you think, “Why did I just do that?” and for a moment, it’s all rubbish, but then you really think about it, and you remember that throughout seven majors and three schools all you’ve ever done or wanted to do or kept doing is write, and so I write.

Understand that I am an English major in my final year, approaching graduation one long hour at a time.  I am taking nine credits of English, two of which are 400-level, one of which is a writing-intensive non-fiction workshop–so one of the last things I really want to do is ramble on about nothing on a blog three people read.  That being said, my weekends tend to be slower and lately I feel like I’ve forgotten how to just write, rather than write for class.  So here goes nothing–really, nothing.

I graduate in 39 days.  These are the waning days of my fifth year of my undergraduate education.  Having not applied to any school for next fall (very much on purpose), I will soon be without much of a purpose for the first time since I was four.  I’m not entirely sure where it is I’m going with this, but I just thought I would point it out.

I might go to law school next next fall.  Or maybe grad school.  I know I’ve been here before, lest we forget the Great Grad School Search of 2008, a wonderful multi-part series of this blog.  But there were a few things I was focused on instead, and really, a year off of school after almost twenty years of endless education won’t kill me.  I’m not going to Japan.  I’m permanently (medically) disqualified from joining the Navy.  I’m also vaguely unqualified for most every job out there–good thing I wasn’t interested in journalism what with the imminent collapse of printed news–oh, wait.  Admittedly, I’m surprisingly at ease with my apparently aimless future, mostly because these things have a habit of working out for the best.  I like to position myself between multiple choices, lest I feel I am being forced into something.  Right now, today, the question is: do I want to be poor and funny, stable and scholarly, or deep in debt and doing the lawyer thing?  Or…something else.

Seriously.  It really is an $80,000 question.  It’s a large circle I’ve taken over these past three months.  It’s been rather enjoyable (or something) to watch myself crumble with indecision every few days as I wonder what it is I’m supposed to do from now until the next thing.  I wish I could do all of it—that would be interesting, that would be a challenge (not like other things wouldn’t be).  But it seems I like too many things in a world that would rather I sit down, and for the next 45 years do one thing, the same thing, again and again.  Sitting here, right now, today, that doesn’t sound like anything I’d like to commit myself to.  Then again, I could very easily change my mind about that tomorrow.  Probably not, but then again in June I was quite certain I wanted to be a professor of writing and look how that’s turned out (so far).

When I think about it more technically, it comes down to something like this: a RED ONE HD camcorder all-together costs about $25,000 to own.  Forever.  (Let’s ignore the not knowing how to use it/paying for it in the first place problem for now.)  Two years of education in how to write films costs $80,000.  For an education that will last me forever.  But can they teach me to be funny?  To be dramatic?  Can they?  I don’t know.  From what I’ve read, it sounds like the answer is no.  And since I don’t have $80,000 just lying around anyway, it seems to me like the better option right now would be to take a more non-poverty-inducing approach on this one.  But that’s my thoughts for this evening.  Check back next week when I want to major in biology and go to medical school.

Oh, by the way.  I e-mailed the Japanese Consulate in Chicago.  That just looks cool in print, doesn’t it?  I’ve inquired about an exact interview date for the JET program and await their response.  Who knows?  Perhaps the interview will be on some other day that doesn’t work.

This series will soon be at an end, and shortly, the Great Graduate School Admissions Exerience 2008 will begin.  But I probably won’t call it that.

I just wanted to take time out right now to put this thought out to the world: if I go to film school, I’m going to be very, very poor for a while.

That is all.

The I Obviously Just Enjoy Using Roman Numerals Edition.

This is something I just put together in my head, but here is a rough draft of the five schools I will more than likely apply to, ranked by desire, highest to lowest, though lowest is still pretty high on the list.

1. University of Southern California
2. University of California, Los Angeles
3. Columbia University
4. Boston University
5. University of California, Berkeley

Originally this post existed outside the GGSS universe, but it’s really what I’m interested in talking about right now why not continue the longest running blog series in the lengthy history of this blog?

I have decided to put the full force of my educational desires into being accepted to a film school for screenwriting.  This shall be my goal over the next several months, unless I change my mind again.  But that’s really not the plan.  My Japan ambitions also still exist and if, for some outrageous reason I am not accepted to film school, like I so obviously deserve due to my incredibly extensive screenwriting experience, I will persue employment with the JET program.  Whether or not I want to apply for Journalism school at all is up in the air still and will be determied at a later date.

That feels good.

It’s almost August.  That means it’s almost Septemeber, which means it’s almost December, and December and January are when a lot of applications are due.  A staggering number of applications, unless I actually, you know, narrow it down to the select few I want.  I have to say, throughout this process, I’ve become really good at knowing what I don’t want, and really bad at knowing what I do want.  I am now beyond proficient in crossing things off lists, even though I always end up with more than one choice in the end.  But don’t worry, I’ll figure it out…soon, hopefully.  Soon would be good.

I can sense it: your as-of-yet unquenched desire for more move-by-move updates on the Great Graduate School Search 2008.  Well, I’m quite the crowd pleaser right now, because I’ll give you exactly what you want.  Even more so, this is one of those sweeps week, unexpected-but-you-saw-it-coming-three-weeks-ago surprises, but probably without the you-saw-it-coming-three-weeks-ago part.  Either way, I’ve been trying to find what it is, that thing that I’d like to do, my profession, and, in the process, how to get there.

Today’s drastic change, for your consideration:

(Let it be clear before the list begins that yes, I would be incredibly poor and there would be little to no hope for financial support, but in the grand scheme of things, it seems silly to choose a profession based on whether or not I can get financial aid for the associated degree. Just a thought.)

Boston University: Screenwriting
Columbia University: Film
University of Southern California: Screenwriting
University of California, Los Angeles: Screenwriting

The short explanation: why not?  It’s what I’m good at.  Dialogue has always been my strong point and every story I ever try to write is just the book form I write down from the movie in my head.

This also just goes to show that I can’t decide anything, ever.

Quick observation: either I can go to school for two-ish years, pay for everything, and end up with an M.A. or some such, or I can go to school for five-ish years, pay for a whole lot less, and end up with a Ph.D.?  Very frustrating.  I mean, I understand why that is maybe.  If you’re getting an M.A., chances are better you’ll end up with a job that actually pays you enough, rather than a Ph.D. working as a professor and getting paid, well, less.

Not surprisingly, a new contender has stepping into the ring for the GGSS 2008–not going to grad school at all.  What a thought…

For the purpose of more clearly following my madness, I’d like to follow up yesterday’s list with a new one.  Notice how much it changes in a single day…

In no order, unless you account for the subconscious:

Boston U. – Journalism
UMD College Park – Journalism or Creative Writing
University of Pittsburgh – Creative Writing (non-fiction)
UW Seattle – Creative Writing
UMass Amherst – Creative Writing
Brown University – Creative Writing
UW Madison – Journalism
Cornell University – Creative Writing

Down to eight!  Wow.